Mom, Dirt, Aging, and Wisdom

Do you see the dirt? How can you not see it? Doesn’t it bother you? Why don’t you clean it?

I confess to feeling a little frustrated with my mom in her later years. She was always a good housekeeper; cleaning, dusting, and vacuuming a Saturday ritual as far back as I can recall. But as she got older, the cleaning became less frequent and the house, while still clean, wasn’t up to the old standards I was used to from her. Her eyesight had weakened, and her energy levels diminished. I think there were times she must have felt it just wasn’t important enough to make the effort– unless she had company coming!

As an energetic young wife and mother, it bothered me to see her housecleaning fall below the usual norm. During visits to her house, I would secretly clean bathrooms, dust a room of furniture, or tidy up some other area in need of a bit of “upkeep.” I didn’t say anything to her for fear of hurting her feelings, but when I did get caught doing my good deed, I simply told her I wanted to help do some of the less desirable chores while we stayed with them; a means of “earning our keep,” which was true…at least partially. She needed help, and it made me miss my younger mom; the one who wasn’t failing in health or losing interest in things that once seemed important. The dirt glared at me like an indictment against aging and I hated it.

Fast forward a couple of decades to my rude awakening. I recently went into my bathroom which I thought was pretty clean. With no intention of improving its appearance, I prepared to walk out. By chance, I popped my reading glasses on and were my eyes opened! The bathroom counter I thought was clean was actually covered with water spots, toothpaste residue, and a few stray hairs. It was anything but clean by my usual standards, yet there it was. I now saw how it must have been for my mom. I felt a little guilty for my thoughts about her cleaning efforts all those years ago.

Then God led me to think about people. People can be “dirty.” Some are in need of a good physical cleaning, and others may need mental and spiritual cleaning. But all of us have “dirt” in one form or another.

When I encounter people, am I seeing them through glasses that magnify every flaw or area that needs to be cleaned in their life? If all I see is their dirt, my encounter with them will be a frustrating, judgmental one. Or do I try to get to know the person and find out what their life is like? What trials have they been through? What brings them joy?

At mom’s house, I sometimes focused more on the dirt than on spending time with her. I realize now that every minute I spent cleaning was a minute less spent with her. Is that what I do with other people, focus on their “dirt” instead of spending time with them and caring for them?

Yes, I can see the "dirt" in people’s lives, but God tells us to love people. Jesus led the way when He loved people as they were; “dirt” and all. The adulterous woman at the well, the cheating tax collector, the demon possessed, the leper. He met them with love, saw them through His eyes and looked beyond their “dirt” to see their need. He loved them first, then He helped them change.

The older I get, the less I see the things that need cleaning in my house. Maybe it’s the presbyopia that limits my view, and to some degree I know that’s true, but maybe I’ve gotten wiser as to what really matters. Dirt and dust will always be with us, but people won’t. The things I do for others, the time spent with them, and how I treat them, may be the one chance to affect change in their life, and it may have eternal consequences.

Wisdom comes with age. See people through God’s eyes, not through the amplifying glasses we often observe people with. Look beyond their need to be cleansed and see the person who needs to be loved. Stop worrying about the "dirt" and invest every minute into loving the person as God would. He’ll do the cleaning.