"Voices in the Darkness: The Problem with Depression and Suicide"

There is a war that rages between life and death in the unspoken and most concealed battlefield– the human mind. It is insidious and affects way too many lives. The war is called depression.

Suicide and depression have become too prevalent in our society. While a social stigma is still attached to mental illness, there is an awakening for the need to hear and understand those suffering from it.

We need to get inside and strive to understand what happens– or what is happening– to a person experiencing depression.

I hope you find it a privilege if someone considers you a “safe” enough person to share their battle with you. You may be the one person who saves their life.

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“Committing suicide is the most selfish act there is.”

“The person with depression is just feeling sorry for himself.”

“Suicide doesn’t take your pain away; it just gives it to someone else.”

“Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get over it.”

We have all heard these or similar statements regarding depression and suicide. Many believe them to be true, and I used to be one of them, until I suffered severe, clinical depression myself. That’s when my “education” into mental health and illness truly began.

Granted, mental illness is hard to understand, both for the one suffering with it, and their family and friends. Our bodies aren’t broken or bandaged or hooked up to sophisticated medical equipment; there are no printouts of abnormal test results, and no images of some invading tumor. All “looks” normal to the medical teams and our surrounding family. Yet something is seriously wrong.

So, what are the common responses a depressed person receives?

“It’s all in your head…”

“Just think about happy things…”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself…”

“Go DO something…”

“Just get over it!”

The result: a person’s sincere, profound agony is dismissed and denied. The person is made to feel guilty for not being able to “get over it,” and feels blamed for causing others to feel bad. There is a sense of rejection and failure. Because I cannot make it better– because I am ill– I am made to feel guilty because you can’t handle my pain.

In one breath we tell the depressed, suicidal person that they are being utterly selfish in their thoughts and possible intents, but in reality, saying “suicide doesn’t take your pain away, it gives it to someone else,” reflects the selfishness on the part of the one saying it. They don’t want to feel the pain of the loss of a loved one should their suicide be successful; or maybe they are embarrassed by the depressed person, or they simply don’t know what to do to help so they want it all to go away. But the above quote about “pain shifting” promotes feelings of guilt along with a sense of responsibility for another’s displeasure or discomfort. The one already suffering now has an additional burden– an added “failure” – to a mind that is already hanging by a thread.

In an attempt to try and divert someone’s suicide, it may in fact push them closer to it.

My personal experience with depression came quickly and very much unexpectedly. My husband, son and I were living in Europe as missionaries at the time, and the effects of culture shock threw me to the ground in a severe mental crash. In my specific case, unresolved, suppressed grief over the deaths of two of my children suddenly began to surface. What had once been hidden– even from me– became known and demanded to be addressed. I couldn’t think straight, became unwilling to go out or interact with others, lost drastic amounts of weight due to anorexia, and simply lost all hope.

The spiritual and mental battle I went through was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Torturous thoughts of rejection, grief, guilt, and unfounded shame all played in my mind and dreams daily. The pain of it all became so intense I didn’t care if I died, and I began to entertain how I would kill myself. I visualized slashing my wrists, stabbing myself in the chest, and driving my car off cliffs. I wanted to be free from the torment, but there seemed to be no way out. My only salvation was my love for my husband and son. I couldn’t do it to them. Selfish would have said, “Who cares about you?”, and proceeded to kill myself, but my thoughts were on them.

Sadly, many people do not come from loving, strongly committed families. There may be abandonment, rejection, abuse, or anger issues, so saving oneself to spare family members pain may not even play a role in their minds. That safety net is not there.

We all have a role in helping someone who is struggling with depression or suicidal ideologies. You may be the reason a person decides to not take their own life. You may be the lifeline that saves them.

The following is a chart I made based on things I see. Some may be inaccurate, but overall, it seems quite true to me.

Comparison: Physical Illness, Mental Illness

Patient 1: Terminally ill cancer patient.

-severe physical pain

-many treatment options offered to provide comfort and hope of cure

-no shameful stigma

-insurance covers many treatments

-provided for, cared for, embraced by others

-cannot heal themselves

-did not ask to become ill

Patient 2: Severely depressed patient

-severe mental pain

-treatment offered is often pills, or perhaps counseling, if it can be obtained. Many insurances don’t cover it, plus there is the stigma of “needing” counseling which causes many to refuse it.

-health insurance and life insurance costs go up 50% over the next 7 years. (at least ours did. I do not have current figures on this)

-shameful stigma

-ostracized, or made to feel guilty by others for being depressed

-cannot heal themselves

-did not ask to become ill

Both of the above persons are ill, both in need of treatment and help. Yet there is a remarkable difference in how they are responded to. This should not be.

We all have a role in helping someone who is struggling with depression or suicidal ideologies. You may be the reason a person decides to not take their own life. You may be the lifeline that saves them.

Don't Lose Your Vision

 I love to hear the Holy Spirit’s gentle voice. He encourages me, guides me, and at times corrects me. Not long ago I asked God to help me with my addiction to my phone. I was either playing a game, or flipping between Facebook, email, or Instagram. The amount of time spent in the virtual world was excessive, while the real world I live in was neglected. I needed His help.

There were multiple gentle nudges from Him reminding me of the other things I needed to do, but the pull of the phone was stronger. Then one day He gave me a response to my request for help that gave me pause; it wasn’t the reply I expected.

“If you keep doing this (using the phone), you will lose your sight.”

I wasn’t sure exactly what He meant. Did He mean I would literally go blind? We’ve all heard the potential dangers of blue light from our devices, so after a few reminders from God about losing my sight, I really began to listen. I didn’t want to go blind. 

I began to put my phone down more and took frequent breaks. I noticed my eyesight was blurry after excessive use, so I knew the breaks were a good thing to do. But then it occurred to me. Could He have meant something other than my actual physical eyesight? Was He talking about a different type of vision? 

God gives each of us a vision for our lives. Things He wants to do in us and through us. Was it possible this was the vision God was referring to? Instead of losing my actual physical eyesight, perhaps my phone usage was interfering with the God-given vision for my life. The distracting, time-eating device was being used by the devil to steal my time and my talents.

Distraction. It’s one of Satan’s greatest tools. It keeps us from doing the things God has for us to do. It keeps us non-productive for His kingdom work and steals the time we could have used in more useful activities. It blocks our eyes from seeing the kingdom work around us.

For me, the distraction was my phone. I admit to still battling with it, but I am aware of how the devil is using it to interfere in my life. I don’t want my God-given vision lost because of a sneaky tool of the devil. I don’t want to lose sight of what God wants me to be and to do.

How about you? Is there a distraction in your life that’s keeping you from the vision God gave you? Make a commitment today to turn off the distraction and seek God to restore His sight and vision for your life.

I Feel "Unspiritual"

Do you ever have times when you feel "unspiritual?" I'm in one of those bogs right now. Busyness has eaten into my usual reading and writing times, but more than that, we are currently in a battle over an issue a business needs to make right and is hedging on. It's more than frustrating when they won't back their own product or try to shift the blame. It's been wearing, and wearying. 

As a result, I feel unspiritual. I don't feel good will toward my fellow man, and I don't feel like being a witness to the goodness of God. I feel like my flesh is winning right now and I want to hide in a hole away from humanity, or at least force others to be responsible and have integrity.

But this is one of those times I need to do some self-talking. 

Self, what is truth? What is the devil trying to do to you? Whose voice are you listening to? Why are you giving your emotions the power to control you? 

Self, you know what is right and good. You know what to do to break through this period of earthly frustration. You know where you need to spend more time. With God. In His word. Talking to Him. Listening to Him. 

Self, you know sometimes life is hard and throws you curveballs. Just remember Who oversees everything; knows all things. Remember Who your defender and shield is. 

This earthly battle won't be over immediately, but I know Who is walking with me though it. I need to get back to His plan-- His word-- and remember who fights for me. I cannot control anyone else. Their responses, their integrity, and their actions are their own choice and they will be accountable for them. 

Giving up my spiritual walk is never the answer. Seeking Him is always the answer.  Then, even if the outcome isn't what I hoped for, I know He is still with me and directing my path. He is making me more into His likeness through the trials I encounter. 

I have to go read my Bible now. 

Wasted Time

When I walked my dog the other morning, I contemplated time. Wasted time specifically. I have found it easy to spend hours on the computer reading Facebook, playing games, or checking my email as frequently as if I were expecting a letter telling me I won the lottery. Hours. Hours and hours spent doing nothing of significant value. Wasted time.

Then I considered God and His gift of my life. A life which has a purpose. A life HE has a plan for. A life with a limited number of days on this planet. How many days of that predetermined lifespan have I wasted? There is a purpose and a work for me to do on earth. What if, by my own laziness or distraction, I fail to complete said work.. Will God extend my days so I have more time to complete it? I don’t think so. I will have to stand before Him and in sorrow realize how much of His gift I wasted. 

Satan’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. He distracts us with even good things to keep us from the GOD things. He has stolen many days of my life through distraction. My eyes have been turned from God’s purposes and plans; my focus shifted to other things deemed more interesting or entertaining at the moment.

In these confusing, uncertain days, my focus needs to shift back to the things of God. That means certain things will have to take a back seat, or maybe even be eliminated altogether. Discipline is hard, but I need to make a concerted effort to put God first in ALL areas of my life. If indeed these are the last days, there is a Word to be proclaimed. God’s Word needs to be sent out, and if I can be a tool to further His kingdom, then I must make it a priority. It should have been all along.

So today, a new start graciously allowed by a loving Heavenly Father. A new focus. I may not get extra days of life to complete His assigned work for me, but I will make the best of the ones I have left. No more wasted time.

Rainbows and Promises

On one of my recent walks, I happened to look up to see a partial, but very bright and intense rainbow backdropped against a lone, puffy white cloud. I didn't expect to see a rainbow since the sun was bright and the sky a vivid blue, but it made me smile instantly. It's kind of this thing between me and God; His little nod to me that life's going to be okay and that He's smiling down at me, and I respond with gratitude and love for His presence in my life. It's like a cheerful hug in the sky from a dearly loved friend. 

Rainbows always make me smile, especially since I went through the darkest valley of my life a number of years ago. They remind me that God makes, and keeps, His promises. 

Throughout the Bible we see God has given us many promises, but sometimes they can be hard to lay hold of, or actually believe, because they are written words. They are something we cannot physically hold on to or appreciate with our five human senses. They are promises we have to accept by faith.

Maybe that's why I like rainbows. They are a seeable, detectible example of His many promises to us. They break into our earthly, observable realm to speak volumes of hope to us. 
 
As I continued my walk, I kept looking up to watch the beauty of its multi-colored arch. A neighbor rode by on his bike and I pointed out the rainbow to him. He mentioned someone up the road was taking a picture, but he didn't know of what until I pointed it out. He stopped and admired it for a few minutes, too, a smile crossed his face as he peddled onward.

It occurred to me that most of the people out on this morning missed the beauty of the rainbow. It wasn't the type of weather we would expect to see one, so they wouldn't be looking for it. Others were busy driving to jobs or school, and some still in their homes. 

But whether they saw it or not, it was still there. God's promises are always present and active, even if we don't sense them. 

Perhaps many missed its beauty simply because they weren't looking up. How much of God do we miss because our eyes are focused on worldly things or the cares of the day? We are too busy looking down at the things happening around us. The Word tells us to "look up" for our redemption [deliverance, salvation] draws nigh. {Luke 21:28}

Look up. Look up! When I look up to Him, I begin to see His promises. My faith and hope are increased. 

When I turned around to come home, I could no longer see the rainbow because it was behind me; I was facing the wrong way. I thought about how many people don't see God's promises because they are going the wrong way. Instead of coming TO Him, they are walking or running AWAY from Him. 

Rainbows often show up during storms. Isn't it cool that often during the stormy times of our lives, that's when God reminds us of His presence...of His never-ending promises?

Every time I see a rainbow, I am reminded of what God promised all of us. It is visible, verifiable evidence of a God who is faithful and true to His word. It reflects His love and care for us even in the dark and stormy times of life. 

The next time you see a rainbow, remember the One who created it to prove His promises are true and can be depended on, just like His love for you.

Stuck in a Well

The minute I walked into the house I heard crying. Loud, desperate crying that became more insistent as the minutes passed. Louder and more frantic.

I couldn’t take it. It would drive me mad to sit and listen to it for hours and do nothing. I knew at some point it would stop, but how long would it take, and what would the resulting silence mean? What was wrong? Where were these pleas for help coming from? What could I do?

The farmhouse we lived in was old. The back porch extended the width of the house, and based on its simple wood-framed construction, you could see it had been added years after the house was built. The basement was very rustic--a “Michigan basement.” Cement floor, stone and dirt walls 3/4 of the way up, then a cement shelf at the top of the walls extending 3 feet deep to the foundation of the house. Very dirty, damp, and undesirable.

It was Sunday and we had just returned home from church. The moment we walked into the old back porch; we heard the crying. It was the distraught meows of a cat.

Dad was unconcerned and figured it would find a way out of its situation like most animals did. He ignored the incessant meowing and read his newspaper. Meanwhile, I became more desperate with each minute that passed. I needed to help the cat--wherever it was. I loved my cats and wasn’t about to let one suffer or die while I sat listening to its cries.

The meowing was louder in the back porch, so Mom and I thought maybe it had crawled underneath and was trapped in some way or was hurt and unable to get itself back out. With no way to get under the porch from outside, we went to the basement to look for a possible way in.

Up on the filthy cement shelf we saw an old window built into the foundation which opened to the space under the porch. It was small-- no more than 14 inches tall and 30 inches wide. We propped it open and shined the flashlight into the dirt floored, spider-webbed space. It seemed safe enough, and we heard the cat’s cries louder than ever. It was definitely here, but where? We both managed to wiggle through the window and belly-crawl toward her yowling. When we found her, my heart sank.

She had fallen into an old well. Ten or more feet down, she sat on an old, rotted board to stay dry from the small amount of water remaining at the bottom. She looked up at us, meowing intensely and raising a paw as if to say, “get me out of here!”

Mom and I looked at each other. How would we get her out? We couldn’t climb down, and it was obvious she couldn’t climb out. We decided to lower a container of some kind in the hope she’d get in. It seemed impossible. How do you get a cat to jump into a pail? But we had to try.

Mom found an old tomato basket and tied rope at equal points on all four sides to keep it from tipping. Slowly we lowered the basket toward the cat. It was like she knew her rescue was at hand. Before it even reached her, she was standing on hind legs and jumping for it. Amazingly, when it reached her, she jumped right in! Both pleased and surprised, we slowly began to pull her up. The basket swung side to side with her gentle movements, and the closer it got to the top, the more we could see her positioning herself to jump out. While we considered what to do if she jumped too soon and fell down again, she made her grand leap without hesitation, and landed on the solid ground next to us. She was free! Once out, she allowed me a few quick hugs, then scrambled to make her exit from under the porch to daylight once again.

Before leaving the underbelly of the porch, mom and I dragged a few old boards we found and covered the well opening. No one needed a repeat of this adventure.

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Life can deal harshly with us at times. We fall into an “old well” that traps us. It’s dark, lonely, scary, and with what appears to have no way out.

Depression. Grief. Anxiety. Fear. Confusion. Anger. It can be difficult to get out of the pit we find ourselves in. But there is HOPE.

There are lessons to be learned from the cat in the well.

1. When you are in trouble, cry for help.

This can be difficult, especially when there is perceived embarrassment or shame. You don’t need to broadcast your need to everyone, but find a trusted friend, counselor, or Christian you can share with. It may be hard but ask God to lead you to the right person. He will do it. He did it for me.

2. Keep crying until someone hears you and responds. 

Some people will walk past because they can’t hear you. Issues of their own keep their ears closed to the cries of others. Some people will hear you but ignore you. For whatever reason, they can’t or won’t become involved. Don’t be offended. They aren’t the right person to help you. Others will hear you, but not know what to do to help. Keep crying until someone who CAN help arrives. That person is out there. Hold on until they arrive.                                                                                                                               

3. Getting help can take time. 

Sometimes we have to wait for the right person to arrive to help. Sometimes the right tools need to be found. Don’t give up. God’s timing is perfect. He’s never late.

4. Find helpers who are laying on solid ground; the solid ground of Biblical truth. 

Just as my mom and I laid on our bellies on the ground to provide stability in raising the cat, so someone who is grounded in God’s word can offer stability as you are lifted out of your well. When the cat jumped out of the well, she landed on solid ground. Biblical truths will land you on solid ground, too.

5. Once you are healed, cover the past so you don’t fall in again. 

Don’t go back and revisit. It’s done. Live in the present.

Be like my friend the cat. Keep crying until you get help, then once you are free, cover the past and walk out into your newfound freedom. 

 

Raising Daniels in Today’s World

A new school year has begun. With it comes anticipation and hope, but also uncertainty and lingering uneasiness. The past couple of years were filled with unusual, and at times scary, procedures. Masks, on-line learning, and social distancing combined with the fear of becoming ill. Isolation from friends, changes in locations and routines, along with the absence of what was once deemed “normal,” affected students and their families, as well as instructors and others in the educational system. The entire school culture and environment changed. It became very "foreign."

Questions about parental rights to view material being taught, mixed with accusations against parents for “spying” on e-learning courses taken at home, led to fears of indoctrination. "Cultural sensitivity" classes replaced many of the basic educational courses, and we watched as the ABC's took a back seat to other types of instruction. It felt, and still does feel, like we are losing our children to some unseen force of evil.  

It feels like they've been pulled from our Godly influence and teachings and taken to a foreign land to be indoctrinated into ungodly values and ideals. At times if feels like they could be lost forever. 

The truth: there is an evil force after our children. His name is Satan. Our children are the future, and Satan wants to derail and destroy them. He wants them pulled from their potential in God’s kingdom into his kingdom of darkness and will use any means to do so.

God brought me to the book of Daniel.

Daniel was handsome and intelligent, the best of Israel, probably royalty. From childhood, He had been taught God's ways both at home and in temple, so his spiritual foundation was established and firm early in his life. He was grounded and sure of what, and in Whom, he believed. He had developed spiritual strength before he faced challenges and confrontation.  

Then, while still a youth, Daniel was kidnapped by Nebuchadnezzar and taken to Babylon to be indoctrinated into that culture's ways, customs, and religious beliefs. It appeared the devil had highjacked him; his future in God's kingdom short-circuited. But God had a plan to turn what the devil meant for evil into good. He directed Daniel's path--even in enemy territory. 

Although Daniel was instructed in the ways of the Babylonians, he remained faithful to God. Even when faced with serious threats, he never compromised his beliefs. As a result, God honored him with favor among his captors, and he was elevated to the position of a high-ranking official within the Babylonian government. He lived his entire life there as a God-fearing man. 

Our children are our brightest and best, children of the King. Just as Daniel was taught in his youth, so we can instruct our children. Sometimes we think they are too little to understand, but we can still speak God's word over them. The Bible is alive and active, and even if they are too little to comprehend the words, the Spirit IN the word reaches into their hearts and spirits. It sets a foundation for them to build on. It anchors them and helps them hold fast when adversity comes.

When I was growing up, we always had devotions after our evening meal; a short Bible passage followed by a devotion relating to it. As a child, I listened to them, but was often fidgety and wished I could go and play. My attention span was short, but the Word penetrated and infiltrated my spirit. Don't be discouraged if your child isn't rapt with awe during devotionals. Just keep teaching the Word and pointing them to God.  

When our kids are sent out into the world called "school," where culture is hard-hitting and demands a cultural and mental shift, they can stand firm in their faith. It may feel like we have lost them to Babylon, but if they are trained in God's ways and soaked in God's truths, they too, will remain faithful to God in the midst of a "foreign" culture.

There will be temptation. The world has a strong appeal, not to mention peer pressure. Just as the rich foods offered to Daniel had to be a lot more tempting than "veggies again?" our children need to know that the truth of God's word, and His favor are much better than temporary pleasure. 

God took Daniel and used him for His purposes in Babylon. God can use our children in the worldly culture they may be thrust into, as well. God has a plan and a purpose for each of them. Which of them may be the next leader of our country, or placed in some other position of great influence? If they are grounded in the truths of God's word, and have faith in Him, they can be like arrows shot into the world, positioned to bring Godly influence. 

When it seems that our children are being lost to another culture and its ungodly schemes, we need to remember that God has not abandoned them. Just as he was with Daniel in Babylon, He is right there with our children, working for their good...and the good of others.